It is 2 am in the morning. I have EDC assessments tomorrow (today). I spent the last several hours reading Harry Potter: The cursed child.
I am writing this because I have to say it to someone. And since my roommate, who is listening to a weird song and studying as I type, is not a very good candidate, I am posting here.
The thing sucks.
I very much spent the last few hours I had got to prepare for the assessment reading the cursed child. I mean, they called it the eighth story to the series. J. K. Rowling’s name right at the front page. What was I to do? How was I to know that between the beautiful cover was just another bad fan fiction.
For one, it started weird. The whole father-son conflict felt forced. One can almost imagine the writer thinking hmm… how to I get Albus to Delphi … yes that! I’m sure the readers will believe this shit. As a writer, if your train of thought is that obvious, your work is going to be cringy.
The characters were so off center. Just look at Ron making stupid jokes that are so ill-timed and immature that even the 11 year old Ron would feel embarrassed. And look at Harry behaving with McGonagall the way movie Dumbledore behaved with Harry. Calmly. And the portrait Dumbledore was incredibly useless and not even the faintest shadow of the real Dumbledore. I mean, did they think “anything Harry Potter has to have a Dumbledore, even if we are so bad at writing that the only thing we will get right about him is his name”?. Also, Snape in the alternate reality was cheesy and out of character. The whole idea that Hermione became minister of magic because she and Ron paired up is enraging. I mean, this is Hermione. Hermione. Think about that.
Come on trolley witch, you can’t use blasting food and spikes in hand to stop children who are already running away.
What the hell Hermione? What happened to that purse of yours? Why the fuck would you keep the time turner inside an attacking bookshelf with riddles that can be solved by a 13 year old? WHY NOT A SIMPLE PASSWORD?
And I point blank refuse to believe that time can be tampered with so easily. Time travel based plot has to be extremely well planned, very tightly laid out and properly presented for it to be believable and not have plot holes. And why was a flying witch not noticed by the audience again? How could they disarm Cedric NEAR THE FUCKING DRAGON with no one noticing?
And the kids. The stupid kids. Man … it fells like all my good memories of Harry Potter are trashed.
The Cursed Child reads worse than a very bad fan-fiction. Why J.K. Rowling allowed it to exist, I will never know (except maybe to one day tweet “J.K Cursed Child was a prank :D”). One thing I know for sure is that I wasted my time reading an extremely ugly story that is despicable down to it’s very soul. As a story based on Harry Potter world it fails miserably and as an independent story, it so deeply lacks the basic concepts of storytelling and character development and plot design that it was cruel to the ink and the papers to print millions of copies of this nonsense.
I know I’m being harsh and there might be some other explanation for everything but I wish they had thought of the fans before publishing the blasted book. I get that this is a script, and I do believe that actually watching the play is going to be much more interesting than reading the script. But the whole underlying story and it’s elements so lack the basic Harry Potter story that I don’t think it deserves to be in any way associated with the real Harry Potter franchise.